


Loved I Not Honor More

by ladylace616



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Just Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 06:26:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18959701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylace616/pseuds/ladylace616
Summary: With her heart broken, there is only one other that Brienne can turn to in her time of need after Jaime rides away from her...





	Loved I Not Honor More

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the 1964 poem by Richard Lovelace, "To Lucasta, Going to Warres". I had to write this because my heart split in two when Brienne and Jaime's ship sank :(:(:( I was shipping them so hard and D&D did them dirty. I also needed to reconcile to myself Jaime's feelings and how he could do what he did. I was severely disappointed in his character for stealing my home girl's virginity and bouncing lol Who would she have turned to in her hour of need? Read to find out.

Brienne couldn’t believe her eyes as she watched Jaime ride away from her.

If it wasn’t so cold and she wasn’t such a sensible woman, she would have screamed and fallen to her knees in the snow. It took all of Brienne’s resolve not to crumble into a pile on the spot and continue her noisy crying. Her heart was ripped out on the ground for all to see. He had broken it and left.

She was betrayed. She felt a grief even larger than when she had lost Renly, a feat she never imagined possible. Her golden handed lover riding away into the night to join his sister in death. Tears blurred her vision as Brienne stumbled away from the courtyard.

She didn’t want anyone to see her, and yet she did not feel she should be alone, either. It was a perplexing feeling to add to her sorrow. There was only one person she could abide being seen by at this low point. He had seen her at her greatest heights, and only he would do to witness her lowest depth.

Podrick Payne was resting in one of the chambers near her own. She was garbed in only the rough brown robe from her chambers and on her face was plain written her sadness. She was still crying despite her best efforts.

“Ser Brienne?”

The youth looked clueless and caught off guard. Brienne shouldered her way into his chambers, and he let her with a baffled glance as he shut the door behind her.

“He left me,” Brienne broke out in a sob.

“What?!”

“Jaime! He’s left Winterfell to join his sister. He’s going to die, Pod! He knows it, and yet he would still rather ride to his doom then stay here with me,” she said, frantic and forlorn.

Her shoulders shook with sobs and Pod did as any gentlemen should. He comforted her in her time of need. Pod crossed the room to offer the knight a hug. He held his arms out unsurely, and Brienne hesitated only a moment before she sought refuge there.

“There, there,” Pod said, as he mentally shrugged at his helplessness with the situation. He rubbed Brienne’s back reassuringly. He knew as well as she did that she was right; he was riding to his death.

“Surely he could not just let her die,” Pod said at length.

Brienne stilled in his arms. She bristled at his touch and backed away. “I thought he loved _me_ , as I did him!” she cried out.

“Who is to say he didn’t?”

“A fine way to show it, riding to his sister’s aid!!” Brienne scoffed.

“He loved you both,” Pod argued.

Brienne frowned.

“Did your love for Renly die when you fell in love with Ser Jaime? No, it’s like that. Loving one doesn’t diminish the other. You love both of them still,” he said. “Isn’t it possible the same is true for him?”

Brienne was starting to come around to his way of thinking. She could feel the hurt inside lessening as Podrick worked to sooth her weary heart.

“You had his heart, my Lady, I’d swear it,” Pod said. “But he valued duty over love, in the end, as you would have,” he challenged her.

“He left to be with her because she’s his family,” Pod continued, and Brienne interrupted him.

“Because he loved her best,” Brienne interjected. “He’d rather die with her, than live with me.”

“It couldn’t have happened any other way,” Podrick sadly said. “What kind of life would you have had, if he was always consumed with regret over his inaction in the final war?”

Brienne was crying again, so said nothing.

“He can’t just let her die, and do nothing to try and stop it. He couldn’t live with himself otherwise,” Pod explained to her.

“He loved you, and he did love her, too. But if he stayed with you here, in his mind, it would not be the honorable thing to do. It would be selfish to stay with you, because it would have made him happy. He didn’t think he deserved to be happy. He felt it was just to do what it is right, rather than what would make you both happy.”

“How is it right in any sense of the word to go and help Cersei?” She said the woman’s name as if it left a foul taste in her mouth.

“It’s not,” Pod said with a frown. “It’s fucked that he left,” Pod said, his brows furrowing in anger. He felt a righteous anger on his knight’s behalf. “I didn’t say right to us, right to _him,_ ” Pod elaborated.

Brienne was feeling a lot better despite herself. She still felt monstrously betrayed; she had been naked and vulnerable with Jaime in a way she never imagined possible, and now it was all snatched away so quickly. She felt cheated and worse for wear, but at least she had a reliable squire on hand. He was her constant companion, and more importantly, she was honored to call him friend.

“When did you become so astute?”

“I had a great teacher,” Podrick smiled. “Plus, I’m not just a pretty face,” he joked.

Brienne smiled with him. She didn’t know if she could ever forgive or understand Jaime for what he’d done, but at least she wouldn’t have to go through it alone. Of that she was certain.

Brienne made to exit, and Pod followed her to the door.


End file.
